Thorin's Bubble Bath
by Alex Took
Summary: A sudden roar of yelling. Something being thrown and shattering. The slam of a door so loud a picture fell from the wall. Through the darkness, in a barreling sprint, came Kili. Eyes as wide as saucers, shouts echoing like a dragon's roar behind him.


Fili eyed his pelt with pride. Running his fingers through the dark fur. Perhaps a pair of gloves would come of this. He smiled. Footsteps stomped outside the house before Kili strode in the wooden door. And icy chill streaming in behind him. Fluttering the flames of the fire.

"Where have you been?" Kili shot him a glance as he hung up his bow.

"On a walk." Kili kicked off his boots and pulled off his quiver. By a quick count Fili could see there were several arrows missing.

"You were hunting? Weren't you?"

"No."

"All right." Fili looked smug. He had a wonderful fur on his lap. From a rabbit that was hopping just a week ago. When the fair haired dwarf set out to hunt, he rarely came back empty handed. And neither did Kili, so Fili knew how much it peeved him when he pestered him about it. Kili shook the rain from his hair. "That's why you're missing 3 arrows and look like you just walked naked through town." Fili readied to fight off any onslaught of charging from Kili or perhaps an arrow, but all he got in return was a slow glare.

"I had him in my hand! Wasted 3 arrows on him." Kili barked, running a hand through his hair before plopping down in front of the fire.

"What even was it?" Kili picked at a scab on his hand. Before reluctantly saying in a quiet defeated tone.

"A piglet."

"A piglet?!"

"You wouldn't be laughing if the thing had been chewing on your ankle!" Fili chuckled.

"You tried to shoot a piglet? Why not just stab the thing or kick him off?"

"He dashed away as soon as I tried. And I wasn't about to just let him get away, he was small, but big enough to give some meat, and a decent fight..." Kili rolled up his sleeves, even in the low light he could see his forearms were turning misty blue and gray from bruises."The little bastard." Fili raised his brow, the image of Kili wrestling a near piglet made him suppress a laugh. When Kili met Fili's face that was hiding a smile but not very well, the dark haired dwarf managed a small smirk.

"He was stronger than he looked."

"Well we shall have to take down this fellow together won't we?"

"I'll get him. He gave me a nasty kick right where my wrist guards tie up." Kili let out a breath through his nose. The rain pattering on the windows outside, the moonlight trickling in the glass through a break in the clouds. "It's colder than ice outside. The one thing I've been looking forward to is a warm soak. I'm going to bathe." Kili stiffly rose, his hair still dripping, hands stained brown.

"You do stink." Kili kicked the stool out from under Fili's feet as he passed. He threw off his sogging cloak, and headed for the wash room. Fili listened as his footsteps faded down the hall before lazily dragging the stool back to his feet. He then returned to proudly stroking his small pelt. It could be gloves, or another pouch, and over mitt for their mum, or even- Fili's thoughts came to a halt.

The snapping of the fire, the pattering of the rain drowned out by a sudden roar of shouting. Something being thrown and shattering. A thunder of footsteps pounding the floor and a slam of a door so loud a picture fell from the wall. Fili jumped to his feet and headed for the hall. When through the darkness in a barreling sprint came Kili, eyes as wide as saucers, shouts echoing like a dragon's roar behind him. Fili barely managed to step aside but not fast enough as the two collided to the floor. Kili landing on Fili's legs.

"Kili! What in Durin's name just happened?!" Fili asked as he yanked himself out from his brother. Kili's face was to the floor and he silently shook his head. "Kili!" Fili shook him, looking back down the hall. "Do I need to go fight someone?" He raised his brow, his brother's tunic in his grip. After a moment, Kili slowly sat up, meeting Fili's eager gaze.

"Whatever you do." He swallowed, biting a fingernail. "Do not. Go back there." Fili looked from his brother to the long dark hall. The candlelight from the washroom flickering in.

"Is there an orc in the washtub?" Fili joked. Kili's wide gaze made Fili's heart jump and made him half believe it was an orc.

"Worse." Fili gave his brother a pleading look. "It was...Uncle Thorin." Fili's face transformed into a smile then one of unease. They both knew what their uncle was like when angry.

"I didn't even see him come in. I must have dozed off!" Kili chewed a nail again. His eyes flicking down the hall every other second for any sign of Thorin. "Why is he in the our washroom?" Kili leaned in, lowering his voice.

"He's...he's...taking a BATH." Fili's eyes grew wide. Imagining the horror of what Kili had just gone through.

"In our tub?! But why?!" Kili shook his head violently, his dark eyes wide.

"No idea! And not just a bath, he must have every last bit of mum's soap. He was buried in bubbles! I didn't know there was even a dwarf in their tell I saw his eyes! Peering out of the white mountain like a beast in the snow!" Fili's fear of their angry uncle was completely swept away. And he bent over in laughter at the description. The image. And why was Thorin's reaction to hurl something at Kili? Fili laughed even harder when Kili pleaded it wasn't funny, but that it was horrifying.

"I could have died! He threw a vase like a battle spear!" Fili braced himself on the chair as he cackled. His belly beginning to ache.

"Thorin. Is taking, a-" Fili let out another laugh, "a bubble bath?" Kili's panicked expression remained the same for a few seconds before breaking into an unsure fit of laughter. Being broken by periods of silence and a serious face as he peered down the hall. "That is the most amusing thing. I've ever heard."

"Why didn't you tell me he was in there?!" Kili demanded. Flashbacks of the bubble snow beast hurling a vase at him haunting his sight.

"I told you I didn't know he came at all. But he must have come for the soap!" Fili chuckled, unaware of why Kili's face morphed to a look of horror. His boots slowly dragging to his chest as he shifted. That's when Fili heard a very heavy footfall as he scrambled about.

"Please do tell me why you have no manners." Thorin's voice said in a deep growl. Standing before them, clothed thankfully, but eyes narrowed and beard still dripping.

"I... didn't know." Kili mumbled as he and Fili got to their feet.

"Clearly." Thorin said with a heavy brow. That's when Fili noticed something white and puffy, like a small mound of snow floating off the side of his uncle's braid in his hair. He fought his smile hard. Thorin glared at his nephew's twitching face. "And why it is so overly humorous for a grown dwarf to enjoy a..." he seemed to have trouble saying it himself. "Bubble bath." Fili and Kili exchanged a look. When they remained silent Thorin shifted his weight. He had been using his anger as a mask for his embarrassment and, though he'd never admit it, his own amusement at the situation.

"You've got a bit of..." Kili said in a near whisper and patted at his own head. Thorin looked to the corner of his eye and noticed the bubbles on his head before swatting them off like flies. His eyes narrowed at the two as he did so.

"Kili. Fili." But their uncle's massive shifting gait caused Kili to scutter backwards with Fili's arm in his hand.

"How about that hog?" Fili flashed his brother a nervous glance as they backed up to the front door. Thorin's icy gaze stuck on them.

"Never. Ever." Thorin stepped closer. "And I mean never-"

"Yes, let's better find him." Fili mumbled between Thorin's warning pauses.

"Mention this to-" Thorin snatched a hold of Kili and Fili's tunic's the pair's eyes widening and making their hearts thunder.

"We promise!" The two said in unison before he could finish. Thorin sighed, shifting his weight.

"Let me finish." He clenched his jaw, "do not tell your mother." The two dwarves glanced to one another, looking like black and yellow rabbits caught in an orc's hand. "I know that soap is her favorite." Thorin gently let go of the two and Kili's hand jumped to the latch on the door.

"Right." Fili said, having expected Thorin to give an threatening demand of never speaking of this to another living soul lest the all in the Blue Mountains discover their burly leader was fond of bubble baths. Kili, blood still running hot with panic from the chase earlier, fell out into the stormy night, Fili in hand.

"Let's go." He yanked on his brothers arm, whom grabbed a hold of Kili's bow and quiver before giving into to his brothers tug and stumbling out onto the porch. The two silently hurried down the steps to the muddy ground when Thorin's voice rang out behind them.

"Boys." The two unwillingly stopped, looking back through the heavy mist. Something came hurtling towards them, an empty wooden box bounced at their feet. The pair looked at it before looking to Thorin in the doorway. "You're out of sponges too." Before he slammed the door. Taking all light with him. The brothers looked to one another through the thick darkness.

"How did he use...all the sponges?" Kili said, kicking the empty box at their feet.

"Does he know they're for bathing, not for-"

"Durin knows what! And I'm never taking a bath again! Or touching whatever is left of those sponges!" Kili exclaimed before heading for the treeline.

"Wait up!"

"Here I thought coming back empty handed was an embarrassment enough!" Kili shouted over his shoulder as the two dashed through the rain ridden branches. "And now, mum is going to think we ruined her soaps and trashed her sponges with, with..." Kili made a disgusted face and sound to follow, "ah!" Kili paused, catching his breath, realizing if they were to hunt anything they best start by not screaming and barreling through the woods like monsters.

"Kili, look. After witnessing what you saw..." Kili looked to his brother before violently shaking his head. Dropping his voice to a panicked whisper.

"He was _naked_!" Kili's disgusted face returned. Fili fought a smirk of amusement at his brother's shock.

"This is what I mean." Fili leaned in, putting a hand on his brother's soggy shoulder. "If you can handle that. Taking down this beastly piglet can't be all that bad." He smirked. "We can turn the pelt into a nice mat for mother. And can use it to persuade her to be on our good side once more when she returns in the morning." Kili chewed his nail and Fili swatted his hand.

Kili's dark eyes drifted to Fili. "I've learned something tonight..."

"Always knock before going in the washroom?"

"Never. Ever. Leave Thorin unsupervised in a bathtub."

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